Feeling sad during the holidays
Okay, but really now, how is Christmas only 4 days away? How is that an actual thing? December just started. That can’t be right. I love the holidays and I love the anticipation of them. This time of year is supposed to be exciting and magical. You’re supposed to laugh and be surrounded by loved ones. It’s the time to celebrate and be happy in tacky sweaters!
So, when you’re not feeling very happy… it sucks. Like, way more than normal.
You’re painfully aware of what you’re missing out on. Everyone around you is extra cheerful and feeling festive and all you can think about is how crappy you feel.
I look forward to Christmas all year. When it’s right around the corner and I don’t even feel a tiny bit excited, it just makes me feel even sadder. Like I’m wasting what should be some of my favorite days out of the year.
Sometimes the holidays bum us out even though they’re not supposed to. The nostalgia drags up all the memories of people we miss and Instagram makes us jealous of all the people who are doing better than we think we are. Or, sometimes you get some super crappy timed bad news. And it’s not like depression or anxiety take a few weeks off just because you’re trying to be merry or whatever.
I’m kind of figuring out that you can be both sad and happy, as much as that doesn’t make sense. It’s been a pretty awful week for me, but every day I come home from work and open the advent calendar my mom puts together. My brother and I built a tiny lego train together. I’ve sang along to Christmas songs, wrapped up presents, and watched my favorite holiday episodes of Friends.
Side note, Phoebe when she gets toilet seat covers was like the original ‘an avocado! thanks!’ meme. Let’s all be a little more like Phoebe and the avocado kid.
Anyway, I was still sad all week, but I also still enjoyed my small little moments of cheer. I had to let some of my expectations go, but that’s alright. Every year, I get carried away thinking of all the things I need to do or that have to happen in order to have the best holiday, but it’s almost never realistic.
I have to reign myself in and remind myself that Christmas isn’t about some ridiculous checklist, and thinking that it is only leaves me disappointed. It’s okay to have fun ideas or plans, but it’s also okay when some of them fall through.
It’s also okay to take some of the pressure off. I suck at saying no, but it’s okay to say no to plans if you’re too overwhelmed. Do whats best for you, even if that’s getting over feeling embarrassed and asking for a spending limit when you’re exchanging gifts with someone. Even if it’s asking to not exchange gifts at all. Sometimes you just have to give yourself a break. I’m not very good at that, but hey, I’m trying!
I think the hardest thing for me is scrolling through social media and seeing everyone doing cool things and making memories that I won’t be. It shouldn’t even matter, but here I am, professional garbage baby. As much as I love the internet, it really does screw with me on a fairly regular basis.
I’m trying to get better at the constantly comparing thing, but man, it’s hard. I saw a post the other day that said ‘don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides’ and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head.
It’s easy to assume that everyone’s feeling happier than you because you see them smile, but it doesn’t make it true. You never know who’s feeling just as crappy as you are (or worse), so I really need to chill with the jealousy. Super need to chill.
Anyway, this got long and rambly but I just wanted to talk about feeling sad during the holidays because well… I have been.